Monday, July 27, 2015

Discouraged

We had our first OT visit since the beginning of the summer today.  Between swim lessons, vacations, VBS, and unexpected accidents (falling on our face a few weeks ago), we have not been to our regular weekly OT visits.  So, it was disheartening and her therapist came out and told me that we have lost progress in a multitude of areas.  Some of it is with her gross muscle skills and some of it is basic living skills.  It just made me teary and discouraged.  We can't take a break.  It doesn't work with her, unless she is constantly working on the skills she needs, she easily forgets and loses progress. 

It has happened in her schooling too.  We took a month off during June and when I picked things back up in July, she had forgotten a significant amount of what we had learned. 

I have no clue if the daily seizures are contributing to this or if this is just the reality of life for her.  And as Asher would say, "this makes me really, really sad."  And as I sit here and think about it, I just get more and more overwhelmed.  I have a problem of taking on a lot of mommy guilt and this makes me put a lot of pressure on myself and blame on myself.  If only's start to surface and I feel guilty for taking time for myself, thinking that if I had done more with her instead, it would be different. 

Thankfully, I don't stew in that for too long.  Just writing about it makes me realize how unreasonable I am being with myself.  I just want the best for her.  I want the seizures to stop.  I want her to excel in whatever she desires...most importantly, I want her to know Jesus and live her life for Him.  I don't want anything to hinder her from doing that. 

She is a vibrant kid with a vibrant life.  She will have hurdles to overcome, but by the grace of God, we trust that she will overcome those.  I continually need to be reminded of truths, especially when I have a day like this.  She's a miracle already in where she's at and how far she's come.  I just have to trust God to continue to grow her and mature her as He sees fit.

Thank you for always praying.  I'm so grateful that God has given her prayer warriors who pray for her continually.  

1 comment:

Joyce Milburn said...

Lisa,
Not just her, but all of you. Don't ever feel guilty, you are one of the best moms that I know and have so much on your shoulders. Brad is a great daddy also. You need to take some time for fun things or life would be pretty dull and boring.
You are loved and so many people are praying for you.

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